_{those who resided in Hedeby had stood at her side to
        slay the tyrant who had sought to break Lagertha's ᴍɪɢʜᴛʏ
        spirit, matchless by any other. but was she prepared to rule
        the settlement? to inherit the power those around her had
        not dared to challenge as their right? sovereignty would fall
        to her, rising to the occasion, tight, confining braids  r e l e a s e d
        to allow flaxen strands to cascade down her shoulders.} 

                                                                                       _{( her trust in the Gσ∂ѕ
                                                                                         had P R E V A I L E D . )}

        _{the injuries upon her face began to mend, able to smile
        the slightest bit without causing a wince of pain, returning
        to the seemingly menial task of turning thread into garments
        at her loom. freedom was the crash of her chains colliding
        with the earth to couple with the thud of Sigvard’s frame.}

                                         _{lost in her reverie, she did not hear
                                         the servant girl enter her space until
                                         her soft, meek voice graced her senses.} 

                  _{❝ my Lady, there is someone here to see you. ❞}

        _{despite what bewilderment would course through her frame,
        the words were acknowledged with a nod, dismissing her with
        gentle words of gratitude. & as she exited, Lagertha pivoted
        to view her visitor, her previous perplexity was shown clearly
        on her furrowed brow.}

                           _{❝ —- Rollo ?
                                      Do you bring news of Kattegat? ❞}

                                                                                  _{why else would he be here?
                                                                       had poor fortune befallen her former home?
                                                                                            what of her son ?}

otherlothbrok:

_{Lagertha shines so brightly still — not just the flash of her sword
or the chain mail she wears. she glows more brightly than the
                                     s t a r s
there is no doubt that he will always be drawn to her, as a moth
is drawn to a flame. from the start she has been a a treasure he
has always coveted. in her abscense his fondness for her never
deteriorated. how can one lose their love for the s t a r s after all? 
the look on Lagertha’s face is not a happy one, though he is not
surprised — she is entering the home that she once ruled where 
another stands today.} 

                                                 _{( lagertha will always be
                                                    the f i n e s t earl &
                                                    strongest shieldmaiden
                                                    Kattegat will ever see)}

_{she seems changed. her eyes were hard, her walk still graceful
but full of purpose — as if she was prepared for battle when
entering her own ( h o m e ) that will not stop him though. he
has know Lagertha for years. though she is mighty and one to
be respected he will not shy away from her.} 

_{he does not have time to respond to her words before his touch is
denied. though he is not unused to being denied by Lagertha a
friendly touch never usually went astray with her. they were once
                                 ( and in his mind always would be ) 
companions, warriors who fought side by side on the battlefield 
with one another as equals. & now he years for that feeling again
as he years for many things concerning Lagertha.} 

                                         <sub>” I have seen far better days. Though I hope they are returning
                                              now that you have as well.”

leaning in close, close enough his frame hides hers from any at
the lodge he speaks in low, hushed tones that were only meant 
for her ears. 
                                                                                  “And I have missed you. 
                                                                             all of Kattegat has missed you. But I….
                                                                           I celebrate your return more than any.”

               ( he will always be a creature who seeks out
                 his own desires. too often denied them by
                the gods or his brothers to fail simply by not
                                         t r y i n g 
                and Lagertha has always been one of those
                                       d e s i r e s  )
Stepping back and to the side, they can then walk side by side
once more. his hands stay on his belt, a gesture of good will since
his attention was so obviously unwished for. sounds of good cheer
only grow louder as they near the lodge. it brings a rare smile to
his face. the people will always cheer for their true q u e e n. 

Siggy runs forward, her hands outstretched towards Lagertha. they 
were like sisters, Rollo remembers. he steps aside, his gaze heavy
on Lagertha even as he follows father & son into the lodge. there 
will be time later, to pull the shieldmaiden aside and see how well
she truly is. for now there is much rejoicing and Rollo shall watch
until she is alone, a wolf watching his prey. there will be time to 
 p o u n c e. soon enough.</sub>

        _{time would serve to change them all, to alter the very fabric
        of their being, to cause them grow & flourish or wither & perish.
        for those years, Lagertha believed she was to belong to the latter.
        she had become the mere shell of a woman, forsaken by her husband
        in favor of more offspring. but even with their divorce, she had lost
       Gyda, left to yearn for the simple sound of her voice. even within
       the face of a dismal fate, she had to remain strong, gathering
       the shattered pieces to find a place for herself as well as her son.} 

                                                                            _{( could she truly live now?
                                                                              was this to be the air to 
                                                                              fill her lifeless frame? the 
                                                                              moment to bid her blood
                                                                              to run once more? )}

        _{dark optics flickered across her visage, her own gaze observing
        him study her, fearful that he may be able to seem her somber
        nature beneath what lighthearted mask she wore. Rollo had
        grown to know her far too well from years of observance, of his
        own curse to desire a woman who would not —- could not reciprocate
        such wishes. he had done so much for her, all so easily dismissed
        by whatever words she could conjure in the moment.} 

                     _{now he was here again, causing her to recall
                     the home she had abandoned for her own sake.} 

                   _{❝ Kattegat was my home, they were once my people.
                                                    It is the least I can do. ❞}

        _{the syllables that flow from his lips are comprehended slowly,
        left to revel in the fact that her absence has only caused his
        heart to grow fonder instead of calcifying it in stone. the shieldmaiden
        is left to blink, almost disoriented, remaining silent as their feet
        began to move in cadence towards the lodge. it wasn’t what that
        she didn’t want to respond, it was that any tact had deserted her.}

                    _{soon enough, her lithe frame was ensnared in Siggy’s warm embrace,
                    greeted by Helga to then meet Ragnar’s sons, huddled near their mother.
                    plans for battle were devised moments after, her son leaving with his
                    father to destroy what winter grain stores they had collected to draw out
                    their target. when they departed, Lagertha had to exit the space of the
                    lodge to feel her lungs expand once more, to breathe, to dispel what
                    anxiety tormented her.} 

        _{the light of the moon was her only company as she pleaded
        to the sky above, screaming to the Gods in a whisper to protect 
        Björn, to bring him back unscathed. the loss of all she has left
        would cripple her.} 

painful headcanons are the best heacanons

the. best.

otherlothbrok:

<sub>ever since ragnar had accepted him back into his good graces he
had not taken anything for himself. had not dared to indulge in the
pleasures of life as he had before. the gods were either rewarding
him for his good deeds, for saving the live of his brother’s new wife
and children, or they were testing him. because if temptation took a
form for him, that form would be Lagertha. and here she was, curled
in his bed, content as a cat. looking very much as if she belonged there.

                                                ( though maybe that was because 
                                                  he had imagined here there so many times before? )

                   so that was the real question. was she a reward or a test of will?
                   either way he was doomed to fail. he wanted her, his entire
                   body ached with the need to touch, covet, claim her for his own,
                   he would either indulge himself in her and be rejected or not
                    and lose his only shot. he could see no other options. 

but in his mind he knew that they were good for each other. that their
hurts had made them jagged, given their souls sharp edges that would
spurn most people away. they were both so broken that they could fit 
together in a perfect connection. they were both sheaths and swords
both dangerous and useless if they did not come together. 

                                          her chuckle was intoxicating, no matter how brief and fleeting it was
                                          on instinct he reached out to trace his finger over the curve of her
                                           cheek, 
                          “ you have a beautiful laugh. i wish i could hear it more.” 

touch may spark fear in Lagertha, but it sparks confidence in rollo. he
never has felt more alive, more invigorated than as he is allowed to
reach out and caress Lagertha’s soft skin. his heart is beating like the 
drums of war, heavy and steady. this is all he wants, fear will not stop
him tonight not as it has stopped him so many times before. so when
a slight hand presses against his chest he presses forward, encouraging
the gesture as his own own slides to the small of her back. wanting to
keep her close, refusing to let her slip through his fingers this time. 

                     ”then my job is complete.”
                                 he teased. eyes crinkling in amusement. 

                                              cupping Lagertha’s cheek with one large hand, he rubs
                                              his thumb against the curve of her cheek once more. a 
                                              soft sigh leaves his lips. he stops, contemplates and then
                                              makes his decision.

              his desire for her had always been as all consuming as the ocean
              just as powerful. just as deadly. tonight he is going to allow himself
              to drown in the depths of his desire for her. if he does not make his
              way to the surface tomorrow, then he will accept it willingly. he will
              submit himself to the churning depths, sacrifice himself willing to 
               his love for her. 

dipping his head forward rollo’s mouth lingered just a hairs width from
her own. he stops, fear gripping at his heart for a moment before he 
takes the p l u n g e. 
                
                                their lips come together soft at first, tentative and exploratory 
                                as his fingers slide into her hair and tangle in the flaxen locks
                                 that he has desired under his fingertips for so long. he tries to
                                 pour all of his unreleased passion into the kiss, all of the tenderness
                                 and affection that he had been holding on to under the visage
                                  of indifference and casual lust.</sub> 
            
                     

                    

        _{as the effects of what ale she consumed began to dissipate,
        the clarity only serving to deepen temptation, a body awaken,
        a soul finally lost to companionship. although not on her feet,
        the room appeared to reel around her until it soon fell out of
        view, the whirling panic of opaque darkness receded to allow
        focus. chaos would fall to static the centre of her attention was
        the man at her side but was her more than just the diversion to
        escape the detrimental cage of her own psyche?}

                        _{LONELINESS had become her, LOSS materializing to be the
                        shadow which lingers so near to claim whatever she has. for a
                        brief passing of time, Lagertha wished to not know the sting of
                        her reality, to dwell on the notion that she was to leave what made
                        her most happy, to release what had given her hope for what the
                        future might bring.} 

                                                    _{( happiness was evanescent but presently,
                                                      the warrior’s company was to ease her mind,
                                                      to lull it into a quiet slumber only to unveil
                                                      the thoughtless appetite of what was forced
                                                      into latency. )}

        _{circumstance would cause them to become one, two parts
        of a hazardous whole. much to Rollo’s vexation, it was Lagertha’s
        barriers which kept them from merging, from growing beyond
        turbulent moments & words meant to create distance, continually
        severing what ties he strove to fabricate. obstacles were but a remote
        memory, walls of stone slowly eroded by the stark recognition of
        what she was to sacrifice as well as the mead that warmed her
        from the pits of her being.}

                             _{❝ my belly has been empty of laughter until now … ❞}

         _{a faint murmur served as further confirmation of his success,
         breath dancing across his skin as careful contemplation seized
         him, awaiting his decision with bated breath, waiting for this
         curse to be lifted. rejuvenation had begun even without what
         the deafening silence suggested for them now, her mirth had
         been evidence of that seconds prior. & with the touch of his lips
         to her own, what was ajar burst open, reminiscent of gates flooded
         with their people to raid, to possess whatever they could.} 

                        _{reinless eagerness was not conveyed as she expected, the
                        shieldmaiden was not devoured at first chance. instead, the
                        connection was tentative, precarious, careful to not squander
                        the opportunity. soon enough, passion began to trickle into
                        the expression, the blunt edge of her teeth teasing the flesh
                        of his bottom lip whilst the limb upon his chest disappeared
                        into the overabundance of dark hair, curling strands round her
                        slender fingers to tug just slightly. her arm ensnared him completely,
                        keeping him near, the final blockade annihilated, a sigh expelled
                        from her lungs into the lip-lock —- one she prolonged without,
                        hesitation diving in deeper to  d r o w n .}

                                                                          _{( ——– what had she done ?
                                                                                      this was far beyond
                                                                                       simple comfort. )}

otherlothbrok:

                  <sub>his hands, hardened by war reached out and fluttered like birds in
                  his hesitance to touch her. she had always been untouchable to
                  him. more treasured than any amount of gold, and her affection 
                  was rarer still. yet now she was crawling into his bed in the cover
                  of night. the sweetest dream he had ever had, yet he knew he was
                  not asleep. 

despite his need, his urgent desire to reach out and touch to make 
sure that the woman beside him was real, rollo did not reach out and
cross the space between them. did not d a r e in case Lagertha would
vanish like a vision in the night. 

                 in the dark he could barely see her. he so desperately wanted to see her and to
                 trace her form with his eyes, then hands, and then mouth if he was so allowed
                 
                                         ( he knew that he would never be allowed such a thing
                                               a wretched man such as him could not be allowed to touch
                                           someone so obviously molded by the gods )

            “ i will be glad to be your company tonight — everything is easier in pairs.“ 

the light from the moon is dim. but rollo catches the reflection of it
in Lagertha’s lovely eyes. they hold such deep sadness within them.
rollo is sure, that it is not only in the moon light which them seem so
s a d. it makes his heart ache to see her forlorn in any way, he wishes 
to go out and destroy whatever has thought itself great enough to try
and take the light out of the eyes of the woman he loves. even if that
very being in his own brother. she does not deserve the sadness which 
lurks in her eyes. obviously so carefully hidden in the daylight when 
anyone might see.</sub> 

                     <sub>a sadness he knows all too well. which he carried dark and heavy
                     for four long years. a sadness that he has yet to wrestle from entirely,
                     which still fills his thoughts with doubts of his own worth and of his
                     tentative place by his brother’s side. 
                                          
                                           ( but Lagertha without knowing it has helped to
                                             extinquish some of that sadness by returning
                                             and he can only hope that maybe — just maybe
                                             he can do the same for her )

finally. finally he reaches out to wrap a steady arm around Lagertha’s 
body and pull her close. he has to resist shivering at the feeling of her
warmth nestled against his own. his hand rests warm and sure against
her shoulder, keeping her close. whether it is for her sake or his own he
does not know. but he does not care either. he will give himself this 
sort of selfish pleasure so long as it benefits her as well. as he gazes upon
her his free hand reaches up to brush stray strands of flaxen hair from her 
face, calloused fingertips brushing gently against her skin in a tender
caress. 

                “ know this lagertha. 
                       until my dying breath i will do everything in my power
                       to see you content once more.” 
                                           
            the words were breathed out, a soft promise against the stray strands of hair
            which just barely tickle his jaw when he tilts his head down to speak to her. 
            tomorrow she may pretend he never said such things, and rollo will not push
            them upon her. but he needs her to know. that no matter the years or distance  
            between them, he will still desire her and her happiness. 

                               even at the expense of his own.</sub> 

        _{life was what she yearned so desperately for, to feel once
        again as she had so long ago. but could she truly possess
        what she desired most with reckless abandon, to steal her
        away as a thief in the shadow of night, the very darkness
        that swallows their bodies now? all it took was a moment,
        the sheer nearness of him to her lithe form, the warmth
        radiating from his skin to envelop her, her heart beginning
        to pound in the caverns of her chest, awakened to stutter at
        a rabbit’s pace.} 

                                _{both had been burdened for so long, battling to not buckle
                                beneath the weight of it all. was it weight the Gods knew they
                                could bear? surely she was fated to bear it alone just as Rollo
                                sought to. in the past, each effort he would expend to pursue
                                her would be thwarted in haste to never allow her own dormant
                                connection to come to fruition.} 

                                                         _{( … the present appeared to unearth
                                                               what she had long kept concealed,
                                                               lost to the recesses of her psyche. the
                                                               tether that binds them now would
                                                               never heed to any boundary. )}

        _{his response warranted a chuckle to couple with a nod of
        confirmation, foreign merriment unleashed from the prison
        self-discipline. though his reputation had preceded him, Rollo
        had grown, fulfilling the traits of becoming the great man she
        had doubted him to be by constructing his own path. what
        honourable traits begin to bloom draw Lagertha closer, to ease
        what doubts she had harboured before, knowing the apprehension
        of risk when the man in her company now was such.}

                               _{touch is the spark that sears her fears, bathing them in the flames
                               of her own impulse. once more, the numbness began to fade at
                               his caress, shifting into the path his fingertips would follow without
                               conscious effort whilst lashes fluttered to a close, an exhale passing
                               from barely parted lips. a hand crept up his chest, wondering if in the
                               darkness his own heart was racing just as hers.}

              _{❝ ——– i am content now. ❞}

        _{once more, her gaze met his through her lashes, inching
        closer as if to give him the chance to obliterate what misery
        riddles her very bones, penetrating so deep to the marrow.} 

                       _{what would become of them at first light?
                                                         would this all be but a distant memory?}

otherlothbrok:

<sub>the fire was barely burning, only charred embers of what it had once been
& the room it was meant to illuminate was bathed in darkness with the only
real light coming from the shining crescent moon which peered in through
the window left open to catch the first spring breeze. 

at the sound of a voice, rollo stirred, still half in his slumber. but the voice
was familiar, beautiful and soothing enough that he did not wake as he 
usually would at the sound of a thread. 

                                 ( he realized suddenly why, because it was
                                    L a g e r t h a ’ s pleasant tone waking him up )

he sat up, the furs that were his bedding fell around him like water from a
man’s bare chest. 

                                     ”Lagertha?” 

his voice was rough with sleep, and  full of very welcome surprise at who had
awoken him in the middle of the night. peering through the darkness, barely able
to make out the pleasing form of the woman he would always love, rollo moved 
aside in his bed without a second thought. leaving a space between warm furs and
soft linens for the woman to slide in to. his heart raced and he licked his suddenly 
very dry lips.

                                       ( was this all a dream? it seemed better than a dream. 
                                         even in his dreams, he was always the one chasing her )
                     
                                   ”You are always welcome in my bed and my home.”
                                                  “Join me, before you let in the spring chill.”

his hand pats the bed, and he tenses when wondering if he was allowed to touch her
in the night. it would be a dream come true. having to sleep near her and pretend she
was not there would be a n i g h t m a r e. 

                                “No that I am complaining, but is there a reason it is my 
                                           bed you sought tonight?“</sub> 

        _{perhaps it was the remnants of mead in her bloodstream
        that prompted the query to leap from her lips. still, no matter
        what beverage was swirling her thoughts, it was the subconscious
        that remained at the wheel. loss had been the plague on her life,
        riddled with it, & to know she was to leave all she had left, to have
        little comfort when she left Kattegat once again.}

                  _{it was  s e l f i s h.  she was a fool to yearn for the gentle comfort 
                  of another, to revel in the closeness that her life lacked. it was a
                  craving for the nourishment her current bond was devoid of, to
                  know that the touch upon her skin was of more than just carnal
                  need. weakness appeared to sicken her now, even more so with
                  the sight of a groggy Rollo before her.} 

                                                                     _{( what boundaries existed,
                                                                      red & bolded, were all but
                                                                      ignored presently. )}

                         _{❝ thank you. ❞}

        _{her response was barely above a whisper, advancing when
        the bells in her skull screamed for her to halt, to return to the
        solitary nature of her own bed chambers. how pitiless she was
        to creak open a door she would soon abandon for duty.} 

                 _{even with every fleeting thought against her, the shieldmaiden
                 projected little hesitation, nestling next to the large man’s frame,
                 so dangerously close. fingers yearned to toy with the ends of his
                 ragged mahogany locks, azure optics colliding with the darkness
                 of the warrior’s, a smile, although small, parting her lips.} 

                               _{could she truly voice her reason?
                                                what would be the ramifications of that weighted truth?}

                     _{❝ your company. i would rather not spend this night alone. ❞}

        _{wretched was the forlorn nature of her eyes, an obvious
        contradiction to what remained of her earlier smile.} 

/ pets & loves on / but lagertha totally deserves some sort of happiness after all she has gone through.

( snuggles ;; ) i AGREE. part of me wants to say she’s afraid of gaining any happiness because of how easily it can be torn away or maybe she’s skeptical that the gods chose her fate to be a happy one? idek. but it sucks. 

otherlothbrok:

♞ —The days had been long and the nights starting to become bitterly cold. Rollo found himself spending most days and nights traveling to near by towns and villages, hoping to find allies for their future raid to take back Kattegat. His adventures had been mostly fruitless and left him with far fewer men than he needed, it had also taken its toll on his body leaving him tired and aching even after sleeping for hours on end. But he pushed on, because there was no one to pick up the slack if he did not.

Then Ragnar returned, and things started to look brighter. But barely. They still lacked men and the ones that Ragnar had brought back were exhausting from raiding and traveling at the fast pace their earl had forced upon them.

Everything was looking up, until the frantic shouts that men on horses were approaching filled the lodge they were staying in. Rollo was not far behind Ragnar, he stopped at the crest of the hill when he realized that his brother was not attacking but instead embracing one of the men who had come by horse back. “Lagertha and Bjorn have returned.” He breathed out in surprise, and he saw Siggy by his side cover her mouth in a mixture of shock and happiness. No one had expected the great shieldmaiden to return after the great embarrassment that Ragnar had heaped upon her years ago.

As everyone started to make their way up towards the lodge, Rollo continued to walk down. He stopped to clasp Bjorn on the shoulder with a grin, but his real target was the woman trailing some feet behind them.

                                                 「Lagertha 」

                                                                     

“Lagertha, what are you doing here?” He questioned, ducking his head to be closer to her height. It would be a lie to say that the woman not not been in his thoughts often since she left, but he had never imagined he would see her again. Everyone had assumed she had moved on to bigger and better things than Ragnar and their village. Yet here she was in her full glory, looking ready as ever to fight and die for Ragnar and Kattegat. Rollo wasn’t really sure how that made him feel, mostly just jealous for his brother’s continued good forture.

Reaching out he touched Lagertha’s shoulder gently, a more tender gesture than he should have given considering his lover, Siggy, was likely standing and watching from the hill. “How have you been?” There were few who Rollo showed true concern and affection for, and Lagertha will never cease to be one of those people.

        _{a flame had become no more than embers throughout
        the duration of her absence —- a shell of the woman she
        was. emptiness had become her reality, lost in contemplation
        & reflection, leafing through memory after memory to reveal
        the reason she had been dealt such a dismal fate. the bars
        of cage would sprout from the earth beneath her, trapping
        her within, braids tightly woven in a bundle upon her head.
        a crown of dread, a position that would grow heavy on her
        shoulders.}

                                               _{( for Björn ; —- the words would echo
                                                  within her skull, a constant whisper to
                                                  remain under such oppression. but was
                                                  what was once dormant would never
                                                  remain so for long. )}

        _{word soon had rested on her ears that Kattegat had been
        seized, torn from Ragnar’s governance by Jarl Borg, rising
        the maiden to RISE from the ashes, reborn with shield in
        hand. Sigvard had reigned over her for long enough, viewing
        her as if she was to be bought or sold, a prize to be won when
        Lagertha knew she was far more. The Gods had granted her
        an opportunity to awaken & so she did riding to her former
        husband’s aid with her own fleet of warriors.} 

        _{reunions were to be had, long overdue embraces to occur;
        finally Lagertha felt at home. Longing soon began to dissipate,
        the ghost of a simper etched onto her visage even as Rollo drew
        closer. the manner in which he would carry himself caused her
        to wonder if he too had part of his own transformation. despite
        the enlightening observation, feet continued on their path to
        the lodge, her gaze fixing on the target of her pursuit in the
        distance.} 

                     _{❝ I heard of Jarl Borg —- of Kattegat.
                                     I assumed you would need help to take back Ragnar’s lands. ❞}

        _{no matter what heat his touch would cause to course across
        her skin beneath her attire, she was quick to deprive herself
        of it, grasping his large wrist to guide the limb away. Siggy
        was meant to be the recipient of such tenderness not her, a
        fact Rollo had to be reminded of even if her movement had
        halted briefly to speak with him.} 

                                        _{❝ I have been well.
                                                    What of you, Rollo?❞} 

                                                                                 _{( a harmless lie. none did
                                                                                   not need to know of her
                                                                                   situation. )}